Unbreakable bonds in life’s hardest moments

For those of you who are married and have raised a family, those child-rearing years are, in my experience, the best and most fulfilling years of life. As chaotic as it can sometimes feel—getting the kids out of bed, preparing meals, driving them to school and activities, helping with homework (until the new math rears its ugly head), doing laundry—it’s still incredibly rewarding.

It takes a strong team to juggle everything that comes with raising children, and the immediate family is often just the start. Caring for aging parents can be just as consuming, both in time and energy, and when added to the already full plate of parenting, it can create enormous stress.

We went through a stretch where, in the course of one year, we cared for and lost Jody’s mom, placed my mom, who was in the early stages of dementia, into an assisted living facility, witnessed our son’s graduation from college, and lost our much-loved dog Sassy after 14 years.

As these losses piled up, our roles, the way we defined ourselves, began to shift. I was no longer a caregiving son or son-in-law, no longer the hands-on dad or coach I had been for so many years. The loss of those identities brought about seismic changes in my life—and in Jody’s as well.

Thankfully, we had a strong marriage that could withstand these changes. We supported each other through our grief, openly discussed what our future could look like, and embraced the sudden influx of time we now had to spend together.

Unfortunately, not every couple is as fortunate. I’ve seen many marriages, some lasting decades, fall apart after the children left home. In these cases, the couple was left to face the reality that they had drifted apart over the years, their connection weakened by the singular focus on child-rearing, leaving them strangers to one another.

I’m reminded that life is constantly evolving, and it’s the strength of the bond between partners that helps navigate even the most turbulent times. The key is to keep nurturing the relationship, especially when life throws curveballs your way.

Just as the connection between partners helps you weather the ups and downs of family life, it also becomes the foundation you lean on when a beloved spouse dies. The love, understanding, and support you’ve built over the years hasn’t disappeared; instead, it has transformed into a source of strength. This strength is what I lean on, and is what’s helping me cope with this devastating loss, allowing me to persevere and move forward.

It is in these moments, when I feel most vulnerable and broken, that the strength of a marriage nurtured over the decades proves its enduring power. Love never dies.

Love you all