The Ache and the After
Paul reflects on the quiet, persistent nature of grief one year after losing a loved one, capturing the daily ache of absence alongside a growing sense of resilience and hope.
Within half a second of waking—before my feet even touch the floor—sadness hits. Another day without Jody. For that briefest moment, I feel a flicker of peace, grateful to be alive, to have the gift of another day. But then the weight returns, the emptiness rushes in and fills the space where she should be.
It reminds me that even as I make good progress through grief, the sorrow never fully leaves. It lingers beneath everything, quiet but constant. Once the day picks up—once conversations start, tasks fill the hours, life begins to hum—I find some relief. The sadness fades into the background. But it’s always there.
I believe it will ease with time. And feeling this way doesn’t mean I’m not healing or moving forward. It just means that grief is now a part of the landscape. Like the sky—it stretches over everything.
This experience has given me deep respect for anyone carrying great loss and still trying to rebuild. So many of us walk through life holding pieces of pain the world can’t see. It’s incredible how well people manage to keep going, to hold themselves together.
Yes, the weight gets lighter. Time helps. Friends help. Prayer helps. I believe, and hope, that this aching sadness will eventually give way to something softer—something more like gratitude.
But this month… with the one-year mark approaching next Wednesday—it’s hard. I’m still learning how to live with the ache—but I’m living, and with each day, hope finds a little more room to grow.
Love you all
About Paul
If you've navigated the complexities of love, loss, or life's unpredictable twists and turns, this blog is for you. Paul, who was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 2022 and lost his beloved Jody in 2024, is also a father, new grandfather and a speaker/writer. Paul writes to make sense of the world around him, sharing his personal journey through grief, Parkinson’s, and life's challenges. With a mix of lightheartedness, thoughtfulness, and unwavering authenticity, Paul offers a relatable and heartfelt perspective on the human experience. His writing is often described as warm, genuine and deeply moving.
Paul,
You certainly cover the emotions and cycle of grief with more care than my words would. I never appreciated the unending sadness that my grandmother felt while living 40 years beyond my grandfather, nor the sadness my mother felt while living 20 years beyond my father. My Linda has been gone from this mortal earth for six years and now I can empathize.
Your words cover the cycle of feelings well. A good friend whose husband has been gone for 10 years told me, “grief… you don’t get over it, you just get through it, day by day.”
True words that get me up on the tough days.
God bless. My grandmother used to say the reason she lived so long after my grandfather is that the Lord had a plan for her.
I see your plan every time you post one of those endearing photos of your grandson, who is in need of substantial grandfather spoiling.
Take care.
Amen, Gordon. I have a need to write about it, and most posts write themselves. Blessings to you as well.
Every day is a process. You are absolutely correct, grief is part of the landscape just as your love for Jody is.
Your are an amazing Man!
Excellent writer and full of Love!
Just know how many people Love you and admire your Faith and ability to share!
❤️🙏
Bless you Lou!