Tacky gifts and tender memories: Coping with grief over the holidays

The topic of my grief workshop yesterday was preparing for the holidays. And honestly, I did not expect it to trigger me like it did. Before the session I thought, “Hey, I’ve got this grief thing under control.” But I was a Kleenex-grabbing puddle yesterday.

However, the content of the session was very helpful. Have a plan, set expectations, discuss it with your family. Another one of the tips was to create some new traditions or memories.

That gave me an idea.

For background, the first Christmas after Jody and I met she was living in Denver and I was in Boston. I went to the mall, and bought what I thought was the most amazing, romantic, fiber-optic miniature Christmas tree. I was convinced it was just the shizz, the best gift ever. (I have since been ‘educated’ that only a guy would think that is a great Christmas gift for his girlfriend.)

We then mailed our respective gifts to the other.

We scheduled phone time, and took turns opening our presents. When she opened mine, there was a long, awkward silence. She thought it was the tackiest thing ever. (I never heard her say, “Bless his heart”, but under her breath I’m sure she did.)

I suspect it was in the dumpster by January, because I never saw it again.  In later years, we would always laugh about that. (Honestly, it took me a few years to see the humor in it).

So, for this year, I’ve ordered another one. Big, bold, and tacky as hell. And it’s going in my living room, front and center. Just to mess with her.

And even though I’m sure she will ‘love it,’ I can picture the face she will make, because I’ve seen it before…

Love you all

💜

PS: If you expect that you might struggle with grief over the holidays, reach out for support! You don’t need to do it alone