Reflections on impending fatherhood: October 1994

Last February, my wife Jody and I received the surprising news that we were expecting our first child. I say “surprising,” even though we’d been trying for this very outcome and were both educated enough to understand that sometimes, one plus one can equal three. What made the news especially odd from Jody’s perspective, however, was that I knew she was pregnant before she did—or, at least, I strongly suspected it.

The week before we found out, we’d been enjoying a brief winter getaway in Saint Maarten. Toward the end of the trip, I started to have this strange feeling that the two of us weren’t alone. On the flight back to Boston, we were filling out our U.S. Customs declaration form, which included the question, *how many people are traveling? I looked at Jody, grinning, and asked, “Should I put down two or three?” Jody, laughing, dismissed the idea immediately, not for a second thinking she could be pregnant. She warned me not to get my hopes up, and I chuckled along, agreeing with her—though, deep down, I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t believe it any more than I believed a politician’s promises on election eve.

The very next day, unable to stand the suspense any longer, I rushed to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test kit. When I got home, I handed it to Jody, somewhat sheepishly. “Just humor me,” I said. She gave me that familiar look—the one that said you’re being ridiculous—and sent me outside to play in the snow while she took the test. Hours later, as I was out battling stubborn ice and snow in the driveway, I saw her standing in the doorway, test strip in hand, with a bewildered look on her face.

“Come here, honey,” she called. “I don’t think I’m reading this right.”

My heart leapt. I rushed inside, my pulse racing, and peered at the test. “Oh, you’re pregnant, all right!” Jody stared at me, stunned, before sending me back out to buy another test, just to be sure. She sat on the couch, clearly in shock. The second test confirmed the results of the first.

Our surprise soon turned into excitement and joy. We dove into all the pregnancy and parenting books we could find, asked friends for advice, and started noticing babies everywhere we went—at the mall, in restaurants—smiling at the thought that soon we would have one of our own.

In the beginning, the reality of the pregnancy felt abstract, more of an idea than a fact. This, I think, was due to the fact that Jody didn’t experience any morning sickness and didn’t look or feel pregnant at all. But as time passed, the reality began to solidify. We heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, saw the blurry but beautiful images on the ultrasound, and felt those first little kicks and squirms. There was no longer any doubt: a living, growing being was making its way into our world. And with each passing day, we eagerly counted down the weeks to the due date—October 29.

Now, with the preparations nearly complete, we are finishing up our childbirth classes, learning how to breathe, focus, and work together through the uncertain process of labor. The baby’s room is ready, furnished with a crib, changing table, and stuffed animals to keep our little one warm, safe, and loved.

These days, I often find myself wandering into the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair and just looking around. I try to imagine what it will be like when our son or daughter is filling this room with cries and laughter and goo-goo’s, a new life in our midst. I picture moments of play, laughing together, comforting them when they’re fussy, or reading bedtime stories about princesses, frogs, and ducklings.

My heart swells with anticipation at these thoughts, yet I know I can’t even begin to imagine it all yet.

In the midst of all this preparation, or perhaps because of it, Jody and I are stealing as many quiet moments together as we can—holding each other and being together. We feel stronger than ever, more connected, and now all we can do is wait—patiently, eagerly—for our new family member to make their grand entrance into the world.

We can’t wait to meet you.