Insights from Widows and Widowers: What You Should Know About Grief
What would you want your family and friends to know about your grief? The answers may surprise you.
I asked a question in a Facebook group for widows and widowers: “What’s one thing you wish your family and friends knew about your grief journey?” The response was overwhelming, with 552 comments pouring in. Below, I’ve highlighted the top three categories along with a selection of responses.
On giving advice:
- “For the people who have not lost a spouse, please don’t give me advice.”
- “It bothers me when someone says it was God’s plan. What does that even mean? Was it God’s plan for my husband to suffer and for me to be left all alone?”
- “I hate it when people say it will get better with time. The pain and sadness and loss is something you can’t feel or understand until you go through it yourself.”
- “Please don’t compare losing a spouse to a divorce, there is no comparison! “
On Loneliness:
- “I am very lonely. Being alone is the hardest.”
- “The emptiness is suffocating. I can be alone in a crowd.”
- “Just keep in touch, everyday is a struggle. At times I feel abandoned.”
- “Some people don’t like to be around because I’m a constant reminder of what could happen to them.”
- “I wish they would understand why I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Honoring my feelings:
- “Just because I am able to smile or laugh doesn’t mean I’m ‘over it’.”
- “That the person I was is gone and most likely will never return. Two people died that day.”
- “I’m smiling on the outside but screaming on the inside!”
- “That seeing other couples hurts.”
- “Grief never ends! Life has been forever changed. Nothing is the same.”
The insights shared by these widows and widowers offer a powerful reminder of the complexity and depth of grief. It’s clear that grief is not something that can be easily understood or fixed with advice, and that loneliness, while often invisible to others, is a constant companion.
These voices also highlight the importance of honoring one’s feelings, even when they seem contradictory or difficult to express. The journey of grief is deeply personal, and while the pain may never fully disappear, acknowledging and respecting the emotional experiences of those who are grieving is essential. For those supporting a grieving loved one, empathy, patience, and understanding can make all the difference.
About Paul
If you've navigated the complexities of love, loss, or life's unpredictable twists and turns, this blog is for you. Paul, who was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 2022 and lost his beloved Jody in 2024, is also a father, new grandfather and a speaker/writer. Paul writes to make sense of the world around him, sharing his personal journey through grief, Parkinson’s, and life's challenges. With a mix of lightheartedness, thoughtfulness, and unwavering authenticity, Paul offers a relatable and heartfelt perspective on the human experience. His writing is often described as warm, genuine and deeply moving.